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what fighting looks like

You think you don’t fight?


You think you don’t fight yourself and sometimes … everything and everyone else?


How about when you tell yourself you shouldn’t be feeling a certain way?


How about when you tell yourself you’ll stop being in such a hurry all the time, as you scurry out the door, in a hurry, running late, for the hundredth time?


What about when you stop for that fast food telling yourself, again, “this is the last time.”


What about chastising yourself for all of the above, without making any actual changes to how you do things?


How many times have we “should” all over ourselves?


These are the fights. This is us fighting ourselves.


Sometimes they’re very blatant and sometimes they’re much more subtle.


In my case, I had to overcome addictions (the blatant stuff) so that I could move on to the more subtle things, which is where the real work came in.


How do I stop fighting myself and stop fighting the world, when that’s what I grew up being taught?


“Suck it up”


“No pain, no gain”


“Oh, you’re fine”


Just a few of the teachings many of us grew up with. Little did we know that these teachings would dispense themselves throughout many areas of our lives.


We become what we learn early on to a large degree. Sometimes that’s a great thing and then sometimes, not so much. So, if the “not so much” has caused a lot of pain, angst, and heartache, then what do we do?


Blame the people who taught us? No, never. That would be more fighting, ensuring we stay stuck.


Complete responsibility for ourselves is crucial here.


We must first be completely honest with ourselves and recognize where we fight; then give ourselves a little grace; then put in the work to do things a different way.


Giving ourselves permission to be imperfect, while allowing ourselves the room to grow, is how we change. It’s how we stop fighting.


There must be a willingness to change the fighting to acceptance of self, knowing that we are a work in progress.  However, if we’re not willing to change and not willing to do the work, we will not get anywhere. In fact, we’ll go backward. This is crucial to understand.


We are doing ourselves no good if we just tell ourselves that we’re great the way we are, with no desire or movement toward change.


A contented life takes work. A successful life takes work. A grateful life takes work.


Acceptance of oneself is very important, but it’s not truthful if we are not working at the often-difficult task of self-improvement.


I can’t just convince myself that life is grand … if I’m secretly miserable most of the time.


I can’t just convince myself that it’s okay to have just one drink … if I’m an alcoholic.


I can’t just convince myself that I’m happy and positive … if I’m truly not.


Honesty with ourselves allows us to evaluate where we are at any given time and then, it compels us to do the work to continue improving.


The work we do to improve ourselves and our lives in the realms of body, mind, heart, and soul, is what allows us to be patient with ourselves.


Having the life and being the person we can feel proud of isn’t a matter of convincing ourselves about what’s not true.  It’s about taking the steps necessary for those things to be true.


This is honesty. This is authenticity. This is where the fighting stops.

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