If I were to give advice

Below are some things I've written over time and have shared with young people in my life.

One thing of meaning we have to give is the lessons learned from experience. 

Here's some of mine.

Humility

There is nothing more important than humility, which I heard a long time ago, is synonymous with being teachable.  The more you understand that you don’t know, the smarter you are.

                Smart is as Smart does

There are an over-abundance of people on this earth who are trying to sound smart by citing facts and “knowing”.  Be one of the people that lives their life in a smart way.  When you get real results in life:  leading people, solving problems, becoming happy and peaceful inside, having successful relationships, getting rid of unsuccessful relationships, gaining respect,  . . . . then you will know you have done something worthy of "smart."

                Mentors

I have been fortunate to have some great mentors in my life.  Now, hopefully, I have the opportunity to be a mentor.  The reason I believe I was fortunate enough to have mentors in my life is because I was open to them and was able to recognize that I didn’t know everything and that there were people who knew much more than me, were much happier than me, more successful than me.  In short, I knew they had something I wanted, and I was open enough to allow myself to be taught. 

Mentors can come into your life and leave your life, much like many people will as you move through this journey.  The key is to be open to being taught by not only mentors, but by everyone who enters your life.  It could be someone in a grocery store, someone in a class, or anywhere else. 

                Respect

Not a concept but a principle for living that the sooner you practice it in all of your affairs, the better you will be as a person and the better you will feel throughout your life. 

“This above all . . .  . To thine own self be true, and then it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man”

- Shakespeare

This embodies the true nature of respect.  If you can grasp and embody what the above saying truly means, at any point in your life, you will have crossed one of the most meaningful thresholds of life.  You cannot disrespect another nor do another wrong, if you are being absolutely true to yourself.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good"

- Samuel Johnson

  Honesty

This is a non-negotiable concept that should be the pillar upon which everything good in your life rests.  Dishonesty, if practiced, can also be a pillar upon which the destructive things in your life rest.  Honesty is not meant just to be NOT stealing and NOT lying and NOT deceiving.  It is something that lies deep within you that can tell you what the correct decision is in any given situation.  The sooner you can reach and respond to life from this place, the sooner you will be able to experience some semblance of freedom.

                Money

In and of itself, money is nothing more than a tool.  It can allow you to do many things in this life. There is a measure of freedom in having money.

I made a decision in my late teens that since there is money out there, and since other people have been able to achieve the acquisition of considerable money, then I should be able to do the same thing.  Please be clear on two things:  1) acquiring wealth does not come without a price; and 2) if wealth is not something you are interested in achieving, that is completely OK.  However, if you choose a path that doesn’t include making a lot of money, then you are not allowed to whine that you don’t have enough.  You made the decision.  Don’t rely on anyone else to take care of you, like a husband, wife, parent, child, etc.  Go forge whatever you want.

                Relationships

Can be the most wonderful and at the same time, the most painful aspect of your life.  A solid, reciprocal, loving relationship is quite rare.  There will likely be many times when you think you’ve found it, only to find out six months or a year later that you didn’t.  All of those experiences change you.  It is you that has to decide if they will change you for the good, or not.  There are a lot of people who do and have relationships for selfish purposes.  I was told a long time ago . . . “don’t spend your time trying to FIND the right person, spend your time trying to BE the right person, and your soul mate will find you.”

Please remember three things in relationships:  1) The most important thing another person can give you is their heart, so don’t ever take advantage of that or them; 2)  Never be a door mat.  If you are not being treated the way you feel you deserve in a relationship, give them walking papers; 3)   Do your best to keep a soft heart, no matter what happens to you in relationships.  Toughening up is OK but when the right person shows up, you need to be open and ready emotionally, not carrying bitter baggage with you. 

                Work Ethic

This is something my dad taught me when I was quite young and it helped me through many experiences in life, some of which included my occupation at any given time.  What is work ethic?  To me, it is putting your head down and doing what is in front of you to be done, until it is finished.  It has no room for whining.  It has no room for wondering what the other people are doing.  It only has room for going after whatever is in front of you with intestinal fortitude. 

Work ethic should change throughout your life from being a bull in a china shop to learning strategies that allow you to work “smarter, rather than harder”.  However, the harder work is sometimes the most satisfying, and the smartest course.  At least it was for me. 

No matter your occupation or station in life, your work ethic will determine much of your success, or not.  Most of the time, if you compete with yourself, you will come out on top.  You may not always win or be number one, but you will ALWAYS feel great about your effort.  Your work ethic should invigorate and energize you for everything you face in life, whether you like what it is you have to do, or not.  Much of life is having to do the things we may not want to do.  Work ethic powers you through what you may not enjoy, but you can get much joy out of the effort you put into it. 

                Taking Risks

A life-altering moment in my life was in a Freshman year 101 English class in college, when I read in one of Emerson’s writings, “in taking risks you will triumph”.  Not sure why those words resonated with me at that point in my life, but they did.  I think I was in the process of forming as an adult and as a man, and wanted direction.  This was an adjunct to the direction I wanted to take in my life, which was becoming a useful and successful person in this world.

You will learn what a risk is and you will know what makes you uncomfortable.  Success is in the uncomfortable part of your life.  Feeling accomplished is in the uncomfortable part of your life.  The fun part is deciding which road, which direction, which decision, which uncomfortable?  You will hone that part of you that decides as you push in the uncomfortable places.  If you don’t get uncomfortable, the discomfort will be the little voice in you wondering what you are doing.

“It is what you learn AFTER you know everything . . . . . that counts”

- John Wooden